but it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and makes me miss certain people that i care about in my life. i want to call em, but i don’t want to either because……what’s the mothereffin point?

the job is relatively easy for the amount i get paid!  not sure if i’ll be doing it for the rest of my life, but it sure is a damn good start.

i’m so grateful/lucky to have this job!!!! team anderson! woohoo

new job: MD Anderson offered me an inpatient pharmacist evening shift.  this has been my dream job upon graduation since march 23 when i learned that i didn’t match.  well, i guess any inpatient job would have been great, but to have it at md anderson is the sexy icing on the cake.

new car: taking over my mom’s sweet Infiniti EX i have decided.  it’s not new, it’s not the color i wanted, but it’s loaded with everything i could ever want.

new apartment: well actually this one is still in the works.  i have to move out by tuesday so i’ll be living at home for a few weeks to save money in the beginning.  but i’m looking to move to cityplace (pictured below) or in with my friend mark in his sweet townhome near downtown. either way, it’ll be hands-down awesome.

NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE: BEGIN.

i am NOT for molding yourself to gain approval of someone or the mass public.  why should you care so much what they think?  why can they not accept you for who you are, as you are?  if they can’t, then maybe they shouldn’t even be worth your time anyway.  i feel that way, and feel the same about those who come in my life that i cannot fathom compatibility with.  i surround myself with those that i respect, and so i in turn care about what they think of me too.  but, only them, as they are worth my time and thought..

it feels great.  the old vivian is back – happy with life, social, and just downright awesome.  i’ve missed feeling so carefree like this for awhile.  the last year of school really kicked my ass, and i’m glad it’s really over.

i had a reunion with austin and the chicas these past 5 days.  it was crazy fun, like old times.  i am growing up a little, and now i’m really really trying to decide whether it’ll be houston or austin for the next year.  other big decisions in my life are the next car i’m going to invest in since my vw is really about to fail on me.

*sigh, life is good.

how does it feel?  absolutely fantastic.

other than that, everything in my life is up in the air right now.  i still do not have a job lined up and i do not know where i will be living for the next year.  i always planned to get my butt out of texas right after finishing school but i am quickly realizing that that plan is a lot harder than i imagined.  it was a lot easier when you had the financial backing of your powerful parents behind you.  without their help, the idea crumbles like a thin sheet of paper under the weight of a heavy rock.  so for now, i’m stuck in houston – the very city i wanted out of in the first place.  my other option is austin, but there are not very many pharmacy career opportunities there, and the ones there don’t enable you to grow very much.

now to root why i hated houston in the first place. i blame it on living outside the loop.  after living inside the loop for the past 9 months i have to say i’ve come to like it a lot more, and i plan on doing so if i do sign with a local hospital.  living here will keep my living costs low  in the meantime to free up money for what i want to be my first big purchase…. so we will see what happens on that end.  i hate to betray the best city in texas, austin, and leave it for houston but i am realizing some subtle changes in my life that might make houston better for me right now.  austin is great, young, and liberal.  but i am about to be of the older age bracket and will begin to make money..and want to spend my time in nicer places.  of course austin has very expensive areas but a big part of it is constructed for the college aged (aka poorer) crowd.  nothing wrong with that at all….. and i wouldn’t mind being a part of that at all if it came down to it.

i’ve realized i love to dream 3 months in ahead.  sometimes i need to just slow down and deal with life day by day.

nevertheless, i am very excited that in 4 days i will be Dr. WU!!!! :)

i guess this is what happens when you have high expectations for something; you only set them high up there to have them shattered.  that’s pretty fukn pessimistic of me to type out, but shit — it’s reality.

i am so tired of this year.  it has wreaked havoc on me.  tired of the restricted schedule, and lack of time to work out mostly.  i mean, who the hell works 45 hour weeks anyway?  haha.

honestly, i miss college life.  i miss waking up, skipping school, working out for 2 hours, going to concerts whenever, going downtown whenever, and just having a free schedule.  i want that back.  i want to have time to pick up hobbies like cooking, photography, going to live concerts again, and travelling.  but there’s pressure and a need to find a financial means to support daily living.

honestly i wouldn’t mind going to do some relief work with my newfound knowledge in impoverished countries.  i bet it would feel a shitload better than what i’m doing now in the states.  seriously, this rotation year has been really shitty overall.  i do not recommend – it almost ruined the whole experience of pharmacy school for me altogether, save for some good moments.  but most of them are dark, stressed out, and have really killed my old lively personality.

i wanted to grow up, but not like this.

i swear, i’m 98% over it. a whole fuckin year. damn.

anyway, i digress.

i started a new rotation at md anderson, and i have to say, my preceptor is awesome. he’s laid back, lets me feel free to ask questions no matter how dumb or basic they are, and is a good teacher. he’s my momma swan – trying to develop me into a smart swan from the dumb duckling i am now. i really wish i had a preceptor like him for my first clinical rotation. i am learning so much general internal medicine stuff i should have learned on my first acute rotation (this isn’t even my acute!) by the way that he is a precepting me. sigh. so every day is happy now. i wake up looking forward to going into the hospital. that’s how you know you have a good preceptor.

i also started boot camp at 530 am recently. it’s a bitch waking up early and it’s been extremely cold (30s but with wind chill) lately and i feel a little more energy throughout the day. my trainer is good this time. . he has good work outs, good form, and corrects us. his workouts definitely feel a lot harder than the night session.

other than that , nothing really has changed. just waiting for mr right to come along, but at wit’s end and wanting to give up and just be single forever.. haha.

the beginning of 2010 was epic. in fact, the entire first half of 2010 was grand. it started going downhill however towards the second half after my return from europe — basically after i turned 25. i moved to houston from austin, and rotations were a huge wake-up call to me. i thought living on my own would make my outlook on houston a little better. if anything, my previous belief that houston is a shithole has not only been re-affirmed but strengthened. i know for sure that i do not want to ever, if at all possible, live in this city ever again.

now i’m in a transition where i’m still feeling crappy end to 2010 but i am hopeful that 2011 will turn around. it seems as if odd years are my years to thrive. please comeeee another year of bamf-ness!